By now, most of you know our co-founder, Amy Nadine, is also a celebrity makeup artist who has been lucky enough to work with a lot of the loveliest women. In 2010, she started working with Susan Sarandon and her exceptional daughter, Eva, whom you  know from NBC’s “Undateable” and Showtime’s “Californication.” Eight months ago, Eva became a mom herself and once again we got lucky because she agreed to share her experience on a much-talked-about (and taboo) subject: the pacifier. By now, you’ve surely heard from many camps… either it’s bad to let your child use one or it’s cruel to take it away. So many opinions…and that’s why we just love hearing Eva’s on the subject!

Pacifier Panic: One Parent’s Journey In Calling The Shots

A Guest Post By Eva Amurri Martino

Let me start by introducing myself. Hi! I’m Eva and I’m a first-time Mom. I’m also a wife, an actress and writer, and a trashy TV enthusiast (who isn’t?). In August 2014, my husband and I welcomed our daughter, Marlowe. I am a proud Home-Birthing Mama who is also a proud “Scheduling Parent,” which basically makes me a unicorn.

After having a magical, very challenging, and successful birth at home (another post for another time), I decided that in order to be able to get back to work when I needed to I was going to have to get my daughter on a sleeping and eating schedule. This meant that she was going to be sleeping in her crib almost at day one (I think we did day eight or so) and eating at two hour increments instead of on-demand. At the time, I felt very overwhelmed by this decision because by making it I was going directly against the advice of my midwives and many in the “Homebirthing Community.” They wanted me to co-sleep and breastfeed on demand until…well, for a long time.

My midwives were awesome. They were smart and capable. They helped me have a wonderful, safe, and loving delivery at home! So defying them made me want to go pee pee in my size large maternity sweatpants. And even though I stuck to the schedule routine, I constantly wavered and felt unsure about the choice I was making. Every time that Marlowe had a sleepless night, bought of gas, or crying jag, I was sure that it was my fault. That I needed to switch up “the program,” that I wasn’t following it correctly, or that this plan wasn’t for us. In short, I was exhausted and really doubting myself as a Mom. It was a hard time physically but especially emotionally.

And then I had an epiphany, and it came by accident through a battle with a pacifier.

Like most Moms, I had given Marlowe a pacifier from birth. Specifically, one of those Wubbanubs with the animal hanging off of it. So cute! She took to it easily and it was a Godsend for a while. I jammed that thing in my fussy newborn’s mouth so many times, and even sometimes when she wasn’t fussy, just because (I don’t recommend this!).

But then, when my daughter was around two months old, the pacifier became my worst enemy. At night she needed the pacifier to sleep. As soon as she would fall asleep, it would fall out of her mouth, and she would start fussing. Making these little “eh. Eh. Eh. EH. EHHH. EHHHH!!!!” noises which would escalate until she had fully woken herself up and was then inconsolable. So what did Dum-Dum Mom do? Get up every time it fell out and put it right back in so she wouldn’t wake herself up, of course! Until this became an excruciating routine where I was up every twenty minutes ALL NIGHT LONG. All night, folks. I was averaging about one hour of sleep a night. Two weeks in to this lovely routine I was a shell of myself. Hysterically crying when my husband called me from work, and just not enjoying the mom experience at all. 

But who would be?! I was basically enduring CIA-level sleep torture. And believe me I had been trying to find a solution. I called my midwives, I called a sleep trainer, I called my daughter’s pediatrician, and I called some friends. And all of them told me that she probably was teething, or had acid reflux, or it was a phase. But I just had an overwhelming feeling that it was something else.

As I sobbed to my husband over FaceTime one morning, “I’m telling you SHE’S ADDICTED. SHE’S ADDICTED TO HER PACIFIER,” I realized I was convinced! From what I could tell, my kid was waaaaaay more into her pacifier than any others that I had seen or heard of. I didn’t think it was any of the other things that every other professional had mentioned. I really truly felt in my guts that I needed to take away that pacifier if I was ever going to sleep again. (Full disclosure, those guts had been seeing mostly microwaveable meals and Chinese takeout for a couple of months but they were still working great!!) I brought my theory to my “team of professionals” and what did they say? NO WAY. DON’T DO IT. SHE’S TOO YOUNG. THIS IS HER ONLY WAY TO SELF SOOTHE. And these were all people I liked! I paid them! They had helped me with so many other Marlowe-related problems that worked out great!

I was confused. But I did know one thing: if I went one more week with seven hours of sleep total I was going to pack a garbage bag full of my stained maternity clothes and book it to Mexico. Sans baby. And so I made an executive decision. I decided that as Marlowe’s Mom I was going to trust my gut and axe the pacifier. And axe it I did. Cold turkey. I’m not going to lie and say that it was easy. We had a couple of very challenging nights where I would just bounce her, and rock her, and cry when she cried but on day three she found her thumb and my nightmare was over.

And was I right? Yes. Yes, I was. My daughter became one of those seven-to-seven sleepers that fantasies are made of. And she is now a thumb-sucker, and I’m cool with that. But what I’m even cooler with is the discovery that at the end of the day, no matter how many people tell you otherwise, you are the boss. You are the parent, and you need to do what is good for you and for your life as a family. Nobody can tell you otherwise. Trust yourself that you know what is best for your baby, and it will be.

As the Dillon Panthers chant in one of my favorite TV shows to watch while breastfeeding, “Clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose!”